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Join me on an adventure to the wonderfully romantic town of Ronda in the Andalusian region of Spain. Let’s begin by enjoying the beauty of Ronda under the spell cast by a local Spanish guitarist...

Walking into Ronda, I felt like I was entering into a fairytale that told a story of an enchanted city from long ago. My eyes, ears and deep places in my soul were awakened  and satiated in this ancient town. I don’t know if it was the stunning countryside that surrounds the city or all the street musicians serenading us as we walked the cobblestone promenade or if it was the old town itself with its beautifully  constructed old and new bridges that nest artfully into the towering rocks but Ronda thoroughly captured my heart, and all this will be the treasure of a lifetime.

We found out about Ronda through our daughter Lilli’s best friend from college who came to stay with us for a few days in Spain.  Ajay is a gifted playwright, actor, nature lover and hiker, and most appealingly a deeply beautiful and thoughtful human being. Ajay told us that Ronda was one of the loveliest and oldest “pueblo blancos” or white towns sitting on a hilltop in Andalucia.  Ronda is best known for the “Puente nuevo” or new bridge constructed to connect the old town with the new.

Experiencing Ronda

As we began our walk through town, I remember a harpist strumming and singing a medley which set the mood for the ethereal beauty of this town.  Over the chest high stone wall surrounding Ronda, we could see a verdant patchwork of luscious green crops beckoning us and rolling azure hills in the distance with a backdrop of ocean blue skies and fluffy white clouds that created a veritable explosion of color to our childlike wonderment. Our cobblestone path was straddled with an array of artists from wood carvers to leather makers and there was even a street named after Ernest Hemingway, all hints of how this romantic pueblo inspires the creatives.

Continuing on the cobblestone path, the three of us turned the corner and had our breath taken away as we beheld the architectural magnificence of the new bridge—the crown jewel of Ronda. El Puente Nuevo spans the steep, rocky gorge of El Tajo that was carved out over time by the Guadalevin River that runs through the middle of Ronda.

Bridges such as these seem to me to be symbolic of hope and union, holding two distinct sides together. Imagine how elated the villagers of Ronda must have been in 1793 when the bridge was finally completed after 34 years of construction!  Their hopes and dreams were realized and at last, families and friends could be together, commerce and travel could be conducted more easily  and freely between towns, and, in general, their lives were made easier and fuller. Not unlike our lives pre-COVID-19!

Ronda Reflections From the U.S.A.

As I reminisce about seeing that impressive bridge back in February and imagine the flourishing life it brought to the people of Ronda, it feels that, by contrast, the bridges holding us together at the start of 2020 have woefully disintegrated before our eyes. Truth be told, we don’t know when or if some of our “bridges” will be rebuilt.  At a time when our usual supports of family, friends, jobs , and recreation aren’t in place, we might notice our own internal scaffolding needs bolstering.

I’ll be honest with you, every spiritual practice I’ve cultivated of prayer, contemplation, and spiritual reading has felt sadly insufficient on many days.  A while back, I read that “self-love and compassion are key for mental health and keeping depression and anxiety at bay.” Dr. Kristen Neff, a professor in Human Development contends that “self-compassion—giving ourselves the same support we’d give a friend—is a more effective path to happiness than self-worth.” As Sharon Salzberg reminds us in The Force of Kindness

The kind of compulsive concern with “I, me, and mine” isn’t the same a loving ourselves….Loving ourselves points us to capacities of resilience, compassion and understanding within that are simply part of being alive.

I was so tickled when our oldest daughter shared with me that she had spent a weekend all by herself and really enjoyed her own company.  She has learned the power and enjoyment of being her own best friend.  Granted, we may be getting much time to ourselves, but I think learning to enjoy own company can strengthen emotional resilience.

Returning to my reflection of Ronda, I remember at the end of the day as Jon, Ajay and I sat at an outdoor café we continued to drink in the beauty of the craggy El Tajo gorge with various birds flying below us and the setting sun behind us.  Our fairytale to the enchanted city was about to end but like any good fairytale, it left each of one of us with a renewed sense of magic to bring home in our hearts and imaginations.

YOUR TOOLKIT: Whatever our experience of race, if we have unresolved pain or color-blindness or other forms of denial, it will either have been transformed or it will be transmitted. I encourage you to take some time to journal about your sense of racial identity or lack thereof. Is there a part of Jon’s story you resonate with? What have your BIPOC experiences or relationships been like? How is that similar to or different from others you grew up with? What would you want to leave behind or see transformed from your past? What one thing is yours to do going forward?